Jehovah’s Witnesses

 

Don’t you just love it when you see a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses walk up the path to knock on the door?
I excitedly opened the door and bade them good morning.
“Can we leave these leaflets with you? You will find that they point to passages in the bible which will help you find answers to any problems you have in your daily life.”
“I don’t think they will, I don’t believe in God,” I replied.
They looked at me with pity. “How do you think we were created then.”
“I believe that life evolved over many millions of years.”
“What evolution! You think we came from apes?” asked the alpha male ( I find one always defers to the other). “If that was the case all of the apes would have evolved, there would be none left today.”
“Not really, only one distinct branch led to Home Sapiens,” I said.
“God made us, all of the races,” put in the beta female, not to be left out.
I had a question for them. “Do you believe in the story of Noah’s Ark.?”
“Of course we do, we believe every word of the bible.”
“So when was the flood.”
“We don’t have a definite date, but it was around 2300 BC, give or take a couple of hundred years.”
“Okay, so after God drowned everyone else on the planet, there were only eight survivors, Noah and his family?”
“Yes,” the JW’s nodded in unison.
“In that case, if everyone alive today could trace their ancestry back four thousand years, we would all be related to Noah; all seven billion of us,” I reasoned.
The JW’s looked to one another; some telepathy must have passed between them, they nodded in tentative agreement.
“So what colour were they? Surely they must have been Arabic in appearance. Where did the white man come from, shouldn’t we all be the same colour?”
They disagreed, something to do with sunshine, they reckoned, the female was eying me with suspicion.
“But it was only four thousand years ago,” I argued, “by then the Ancient Egyptians had already used mathematics ( and a huge pile of stones) to build their pyramids and the Sphinx at Giza. There is no mention in their history of them being submerged in flood waters.” They were speechless for a moment so I pressed on. “What about the Chinese, their features are actually different from ours. What about Africans and Indians? The Aboriginals and the Inuit, it’s more than just colour isn’t it? They can’t all have come from the sperm of Noah’s three boys.”
That’s when the alpha hit me with the e-word.
“The different races evolved over time,” he explained.
“But you don’t believe in evolution,” I said.
“Well what happened is they adapted to suit their environment.” He was looking a bit anxious now, and actually stepped back.
“In China, the Yangshao culture were making silk in 3000BC, the Aboriginals have been in Australia for thousands of years. Surely it would take over a hundred thousand years for different races to evolve?”
No, the JW’s assured me, a couple of thousand years was ample. At this point the alpha told me he could see we would never agree on this. He nervously reached out to shake hands: that was when I realised I had been brandishing the stanley knife which I had been using to cut a carpet when I answered the door.

 

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